Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Public Service Announcement.
Fat people are harder to kidnap...or, as Clarence would type..."kidkap".
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Throw it all away.
I am going through painkiller withdrawals.
I've been on painkillers for the past couple years off and on for my kidney/FM/TMJ pain. I've been through withdrawals once. I swore I'd never let myself take painkillers so often that I'd go through that again. I know there's a difference between dependency and addiction in people with chronic pain, but it all feels the same to me. I'd much rather deal with the ridiculous pain than deal with this emotionally devastating low. So right now I get to deal with the ridiculous pain and the emotionally devastating low. How thrilling.
Thankfully the pills I've been on aren't nearly as strong as the ones I had withdrawals from before. Otherwise this'd be much worse.
It seems like right now is just a really overwhelming emotional time for me. I know the withdrawals are compounding what's already there...and I know I shouldn't be stunned by my overly emotional nature, but I am.
Velisha's best friend has been contacting me a lot. Apparently Velisha is still being self destructive (what's new?) but she's trying to grow up as well, which is nice. I miss her so much.
Oh yeah, and my assistant decided not to show up to work today. Yes, this would be at least the 3rd no call, no show that he's had. I was a bit harsh with him on Friday, since the only thing that he HAS to do on a constant basis is count the inventory and input the numbers in the system...but somehow at 4:50 on a Friday afternoon, he came in my office and told me we were completely out of one of our heavy movers. The computer said we had 400, so I have to rush ship this part, because he isn't doing his job properly. I was pretty mean, and I apologized later. It was the 2nd time I had to yell at him on Friday. He had this idea that he should call ALL of our vendors (there are over 500) and get catalogs for all of them, so he could input the vendor part #s (another thing that he screwed up in my system). He talked to my boss about it, and bossman told him it'd be a waste of time, just to go through our system and get them, since we have them all in our old program. He then went outside and told my receptionist that "Joe told me not to do this, but I'm gunna do it anyways" RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOE. Bah. No one should be so comfortable with their job that they're blatantly disrespectful to anyone they work with, much less a boss. So, I called him in and chewed him out for that...then later freaked out on him for not doing his job.
I'm just...overwhelmed by emotional distress, physical pain, stress with work.
Sometimes I don't think it's fair that I'm so understanding about people's weaknesses. I remember being a little kid, and the girls in my class would always be mean to me if there was anyone else around, but as soon as they had a problem, they'd come talk to me, and know that I'd help them with it. I remember writing in my journal that it sucked that they were embarrassed to be my friend, but I understood that they were just really susceptible to peer pressure. I still deal with the same thing, to a different degree. My best friend Lilith is easily controllable. She is dating a guy who cheated on her, and then broke up with her because his family didn't like the fact that he was black, and would disown him if he married her. Since he didn't see the point in dating if they weren't going to get married, he broke up with her. (So he says) In reality, he was cheating on her, and used that as an excuse to break up with her without it being *his* fault. She's now back with him. He won't let her talk to me. And I understand.
It sucks that I don't have an excuse to be angry about this. I understand that this is just the way she is. I really want to be angry and upset at her, but I can't. Her boy, however... Blah.
Idk.
Breathe Me.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
~Sia
wow, that was a really long post.
I've been on painkillers for the past couple years off and on for my kidney/FM/TMJ pain. I've been through withdrawals once. I swore I'd never let myself take painkillers so often that I'd go through that again. I know there's a difference between dependency and addiction in people with chronic pain, but it all feels the same to me. I'd much rather deal with the ridiculous pain than deal with this emotionally devastating low. So right now I get to deal with the ridiculous pain and the emotionally devastating low. How thrilling.
Thankfully the pills I've been on aren't nearly as strong as the ones I had withdrawals from before. Otherwise this'd be much worse.
It seems like right now is just a really overwhelming emotional time for me. I know the withdrawals are compounding what's already there...and I know I shouldn't be stunned by my overly emotional nature, but I am.
Velisha's best friend has been contacting me a lot. Apparently Velisha is still being self destructive (what's new?) but she's trying to grow up as well, which is nice. I miss her so much.
Oh yeah, and my assistant decided not to show up to work today. Yes, this would be at least the 3rd no call, no show that he's had. I was a bit harsh with him on Friday, since the only thing that he HAS to do on a constant basis is count the inventory and input the numbers in the system...but somehow at 4:50 on a Friday afternoon, he came in my office and told me we were completely out of one of our heavy movers. The computer said we had 400, so I have to rush ship this part, because he isn't doing his job properly. I was pretty mean, and I apologized later. It was the 2nd time I had to yell at him on Friday. He had this idea that he should call ALL of our vendors (there are over 500) and get catalogs for all of them, so he could input the vendor part #s (another thing that he screwed up in my system). He talked to my boss about it, and bossman told him it'd be a waste of time, just to go through our system and get them, since we have them all in our old program. He then went outside and told my receptionist that "Joe told me not to do this, but I'm gunna do it anyways" RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOE. Bah. No one should be so comfortable with their job that they're blatantly disrespectful to anyone they work with, much less a boss. So, I called him in and chewed him out for that...then later freaked out on him for not doing his job.
I'm just...overwhelmed by emotional distress, physical pain, stress with work.
Sometimes I don't think it's fair that I'm so understanding about people's weaknesses. I remember being a little kid, and the girls in my class would always be mean to me if there was anyone else around, but as soon as they had a problem, they'd come talk to me, and know that I'd help them with it. I remember writing in my journal that it sucked that they were embarrassed to be my friend, but I understood that they were just really susceptible to peer pressure. I still deal with the same thing, to a different degree. My best friend Lilith is easily controllable. She is dating a guy who cheated on her, and then broke up with her because his family didn't like the fact that he was black, and would disown him if he married her. Since he didn't see the point in dating if they weren't going to get married, he broke up with her. (So he says) In reality, he was cheating on her, and used that as an excuse to break up with her without it being *his* fault. She's now back with him. He won't let her talk to me. And I understand.
It sucks that I don't have an excuse to be angry about this. I understand that this is just the way she is. I really want to be angry and upset at her, but I can't. Her boy, however... Blah.
Idk.
Breathe Me.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
~Sia
wow, that was a really long post.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
I can see the cracks in this fine social scene.
Barack Obama won South Carolina! I'm so happy about this. I had no doubt he would, but it was such a HUGE victory over Hillary that I couldn't help but be a bit excited. Four years ago about 293,000 Democrats voted in the state’s primary: Saturday Obama alone got more than that number of votes.
I think I've successfully convinced quite a few of my friends that Hillary would be a BAD VOTE. Do we want someone who was on the board of WalMart to run our country? WALMART?! One of the most evil corporations in America today? Now, like everyone else, I shop at Walmart out of necessity, but c'mon. Slave labor? Poor working conditions for their employess? I think not. The fact that she's a woman should NOT be a deciding factor for the white female voters. Oh, and thanks, Hillary, for proving a point for all the sexist pigs in the country by crying on camera. Yeah, we'd certainly want the leader of the free world to be overly emotional and hormonally driven with access to nukes. Thanks a bunch.
Now, of course, I don't agree with Obama on some of his stances (partial birth abortion, anti-gay marriage), but for the most part, he's pretty much what I'd want to vote into office.
Bah. It's 6:06 and I'm at WORK, on a SUNDAY. Grrrr.
I need a couple new assistants. This time, people I don't know and will feel more comfortable yelling at when I need to. :-p
I think I've successfully convinced quite a few of my friends that Hillary would be a BAD VOTE. Do we want someone who was on the board of WalMart to run our country? WALMART?! One of the most evil corporations in America today? Now, like everyone else, I shop at Walmart out of necessity, but c'mon. Slave labor? Poor working conditions for their employess? I think not. The fact that she's a woman should NOT be a deciding factor for the white female voters. Oh, and thanks, Hillary, for proving a point for all the sexist pigs in the country by crying on camera. Yeah, we'd certainly want the leader of the free world to be overly emotional and hormonally driven with access to nukes. Thanks a bunch.
Now, of course, I don't agree with Obama on some of his stances (partial birth abortion, anti-gay marriage), but for the most part, he's pretty much what I'd want to vote into office.
Bah. It's 6:06 and I'm at WORK, on a SUNDAY. Grrrr.
I need a couple new assistants. This time, people I don't know and will feel more comfortable yelling at when I need to. :-p
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
love...or syncope...?
swoon /swun/
–verb (used without object)
1. to faint; lose consciousness.
2. to enter a state of hysterical rapture or ecstasy: The teenagers swooned at the sight of the singing star.
–noun
3. a faint or fainting fit; syncope.
I came home from visiting friends last night, and Clarence had bought me roses and chocolate, and made me dinner. I mean, he makes me dinner like, every night just about, but he still makes me swoon. *The type of swooning that's NOT part of my disease. :-p*
–verb (used without object)
1. to faint; lose consciousness.
2. to enter a state of hysterical rapture or ecstasy: The teenagers swooned at the sight of the singing star.
–noun
3. a faint or fainting fit; syncope.
I came home from visiting friends last night, and Clarence had bought me roses and chocolate, and made me dinner. I mean, he makes me dinner like, every night just about, but he still makes me swoon. *The type of swooning that's NOT part of my disease. :-p*
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Everything's zen? I don't think so...
So, because of the car accident, I've missed a fair amount of work. (The pay is all being covered by insurance, thankfully) But believe me, the work has PILED up while I was gone. I have a 6 page report that has a list of things I need to order in order to keep us ahead of the game. This list is compiled by my assistant, who actually works on the floor doing inventory control and inputting his numbers into the computer daily. He's not always that busy, so when he's not doing that, he goes through and updates vendor part #'s, costs, and reorder points (which go onto my report and how I know when to order what I need to). I brought this report home today after work so I could keep working on it, since I'm so behind. While I'm looking at this report, I notice that over HALF of the entries are completely incorrect. Like, the part # says it's cable, but the Vendor part # says it's a hula hoop. well, not really a hula hoop, but something just as completely different...though I guess you could make a hula hoop out of cable...but I digress.) I'm practically gaping at this report and trying to figure out how it could have been so MASSIVELY screwed up. This could have cost us literally 100's of thousands of dollars if I didn't just catch this. UGH. I'm extremely frustrated. I need to have a stern talking to with my assistant, and implore my boss to give me another few days to get this all back on track. (He's MY assistant, so he's MY responsibility)
Uuuugh.
*cry*
Uuuugh.
*cry*
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
strange
I love my job. No, seriously, I love my job, and I must say I'm pretty good at it.
I actually get a thrill when I talk a vendor down to my target price or better.
For example, I just was on a mission to order a part that normally sells for $30.00 a piece. I Called place after place, and they all gave me the same story. At least 30/each with a minimum buy of 500-1000 pcs (I only wanted 5!!). Oh yeah, and with at least a TEN WEEK lead time!! (which is more than absolutely ridiculous) At the end of my 2 hour search I got down from 30 with 500 minimum, to the $7.50 with no minimum, 3 day lead time. I know it's silly, but it's quite satisfying. Not quite as satisfying as finding a 2000.00 breaker for 200, but when I only have 2000$ left for the rest of the month (and that's about how much I spend a day!)every penny counts.
Whee!
Ok, I'm a nerd, I know.
I actually get a thrill when I talk a vendor down to my target price or better.
For example, I just was on a mission to order a part that normally sells for $30.00 a piece. I Called place after place, and they all gave me the same story. At least 30/each with a minimum buy of 500-1000 pcs (I only wanted 5!!). Oh yeah, and with at least a TEN WEEK lead time!! (which is more than absolutely ridiculous) At the end of my 2 hour search I got down from 30 with 500 minimum, to the $7.50 with no minimum, 3 day lead time. I know it's silly, but it's quite satisfying. Not quite as satisfying as finding a 2000.00 breaker for 200, but when I only have 2000$ left for the rest of the month (and that's about how much I spend a day!)every penny counts.
Whee!
Ok, I'm a nerd, I know.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Ah, this life...
So tonight, while making a beer/lasagna run, my friend January (who is normally the most conscientious of drivers) chose to do something stupid. She did an illegal Uturn, and we got t-boned by another driver (on January's side). She was so upset that she "broke her Sara" (my back and neck were pretty obviously messed up) she was barely holding it together to do the insurance exchange and talk to the cop who came to help us (who was amazingly congenial and helpful *and pretty :-p*). Ugh, she NEEDED to go to the ER. She worries me. The one thing I'm the most upset about, other than January NOT going to the hospital, is that I can't wear my nipple rings anymore!! Somehow in the hours that I was in the hospital, they managed to close up 2 1/2 years worth of being NOT CLOSED. bah. Hahah, I'm soo glad that, even though I'm ridiculously sore, and had to spend stupid amounts of time in the ER, I'm fine. January's fine(supposedly). The adorable South American boy who hit us is fine.
aaanyways. Yeah.
Gunna go play puzzle quest on the Wii and wait for the lasagna to finish cooking. Can't sleep cuz I have a concussion, so I'll challenge Clarence, and beat him with puzzly (IF I SAY IT'S A WORD, IT'S A WORD. GOT IT?!) DOOOOm.
aaanyways. Yeah.
Gunna go play puzzle quest on the Wii and wait for the lasagna to finish cooking. Can't sleep cuz I have a concussion, so I'll challenge Clarence, and beat him with puzzly (IF I SAY IT'S A WORD, IT'S A WORD. GOT IT?!) DOOOOm.
Have you got it in you?
So, I missed the Dr. Kevorkian speech. Apparently it was absolutely ridiculous. But, I guess if someone paid me a 50,000$ to talk to a bunch of kids right after I got out of prison, I wouldn't care if what I said made sense either. :-p The more I'm finding out about this man, the more I'm realizing just what a whack-job he really is. lol. I guess if we want someone to head the "legalize assisted suicide" campaign, it'll have to be someone with, oh, how shall we say...a smaller amount of psychosis. Haha, I doubt this man will help the cause. I hope we can find someone better to lead this campaign! I guess that just goes to show that you should do research for everything yourself! Aah, C'est la Vie.
So last night, instead of going to Dr. Kevorkian (500 tickets were gone in 10 minutes!!And we were RIGHT THERE in line *sigh*), Chris and I stayed home, played scrabble and attempted to watch the Michigan Primary. This was a joke as well. The absolute obvious CNN bias amused me greatly. The Democrats were punishing Michigan for moving their primary up, so it was basically just a Republican primary. (Though Hilary decided to ignore that...apparently she doesn't feel the need to stick with her party, as long as she wins.) Whatever.
The snide comments about the conservative party and the obvious we-could-care-less-about-these-morons- but-we-still-have-to-report-on-them attitude were probably just as amusing as going to see Dr. Kevorkian make his 14 comparisons of the US to Nazi Germany and telling everyone that the only way to get the US back to its constitutional principles is for black people to take over the government.
I just spilled chai tea down into the front of my shirt.
I'm brilliant.
Yes, I am.
hehe
So last night, instead of going to Dr. Kevorkian (500 tickets were gone in 10 minutes!!And we were RIGHT THERE in line *sigh*), Chris and I stayed home, played scrabble and attempted to watch the Michigan Primary. This was a joke as well. The absolute obvious CNN bias amused me greatly. The Democrats were punishing Michigan for moving their primary up, so it was basically just a Republican primary. (Though Hilary decided to ignore that...apparently she doesn't feel the need to stick with her party, as long as she wins.) Whatever.
The snide comments about the conservative party and the obvious we-could-care-less-about-these-morons- but-we-still-have-to-report-on-them attitude were probably just as amusing as going to see Dr. Kevorkian make his 14 comparisons of the US to Nazi Germany and telling everyone that the only way to get the US back to its constitutional principles is for black people to take over the government.
I just spilled chai tea down into the front of my shirt.
I'm brilliant.
Yes, I am.
hehe
Monday, January 14, 2008
Blow it all away...
It's difficult not to be disheartened when my body fails me.
It's been a pretty good run though. I mean, it's almost been, what, a year since I started the new meds and could walk again? It's still depressing when they stop working the way they're supposed to. Blah. I don't want to have to go through the process of trying to find something that works again.
At least I have my Clarence, and my kitties, who are currently wrapped around each other to look like a yin yang. <3 And I'm glad I can work at home when I don't have the strength to go to work.
Edit: I guess when I start being depressed about how crappy my life is, something always happens to show me that I actually have a lot to be thankful for.
It's been a pretty good run though. I mean, it's almost been, what, a year since I started the new meds and could walk again? It's still depressing when they stop working the way they're supposed to. Blah. I don't want to have to go through the process of trying to find something that works again.
At least I have my Clarence, and my kitties, who are currently wrapped around each other to look like a yin yang. <3 And I'm glad I can work at home when I don't have the strength to go to work.
Edit: I guess when I start being depressed about how crappy my life is, something always happens to show me that I actually have a lot to be thankful for.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I adore.
detofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: I loooves you
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: geez
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: I can't stop thinking about you
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: haha
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: It's like I have a horrible crush
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo:
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: crazy
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR SPOUSE
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: SUPPOSD TO NOT LIKE AND FIGHT ALL THE TIME WITH
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo:
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: <3
[11:33] Clarence: Indeed.
[11:33] Clarence: We're doing it all wrong :-/
[11:33] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: hahaha
I drink too much chai. :-p
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: geez
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: I can't stop thinking about you
[11:31] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: haha
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: It's like I have a horrible crush
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo:
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: crazy
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR SPOUSE
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: SUPPOSD TO NOT LIKE AND FIGHT ALL THE TIME WITH
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo:
[11:32] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: <3
[11:33] Clarence: Indeed.
[11:33] Clarence: We're doing it all wrong :-/
[11:33] odetofantasy@gmail.com/Meebo: hahaha
I drink too much chai. :-p
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
squishy
Clarence makes me squishy. He bought me a deluxe scrabble game for Christmas, and he just sat and played two games with me, because he knows I love it. I'm seriously the most blessed woman ever to have him as my own. He makes me dinner every night and serves it to me. He writes me songs. He randomly buys me small things he thinks I'll like (like orange milano cookies *drool*). He'll wake me up on the weekends, even though he HATES to wake up, just so I can take my pills on time. Oh, AND he's the most beautiful guy ever. The longer I'm with him, the more I absolutely adore him. Most people wonder how we can work together and still stand each other. But the truth is, the more I'm around him, the more I WANT to be around him.
Aaaaanyways, I've been working too much. It's nice that we're picking up business, but since one of my assistants got fired, it's been a bit more difficult to stay on top of things, though I must admit that I'm much less stressed out because of it. My other assistant has been like....nonexistent for the past week or so. It's really frustrating. But oh well. I can look forward to the fact that I'm going to Vegas for a week in June for a trade show.
Btw, Sia is amazing.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
New Blog
I've had numerous blogs over time. I still have my LJ that I post in, but it's not really family friendly, and since I have lots of family on this blog, I thought I'd start one here. So um. Hi!
I'm sooooo glad my boss is back. It really sucked having to do his job and mine. It's Elvis' birthday today (which is normally a paid holiday) but Clarence and I opted to take Martin Luther King Day, since we pretty much just had 2 weeks in a row of holidays. But it's kinda nice, cuz there's no one in the office 'cept me and one of the sales guys (not the obnoxious one :-p)
It's really kinda depressing that my meds have started to not work as well as they used to. I'll probably still wait another week or so to make sure it's them that's not working, instead of me just not taking my pills on time. (It's so hard for me to remember when I'm not at work, where I have popup reminders!)
I've been talking to Velisha a lot lately. She's like...the girl love of my life. For the longest time after she left us I was devistated...but now I just want her to be happy and successful. I hate when people I love are going through difficult times, and there's nothing I can do about it. Bah.
Anyways, I have a lunch meeting, and probably should be working... Oooh, tonights the NH Caucus. :)
I'm sooooo glad my boss is back. It really sucked having to do his job and mine. It's Elvis' birthday today (which is normally a paid holiday) but Clarence and I opted to take Martin Luther King Day, since we pretty much just had 2 weeks in a row of holidays. But it's kinda nice, cuz there's no one in the office 'cept me and one of the sales guys (not the obnoxious one :-p)
It's really kinda depressing that my meds have started to not work as well as they used to. I'll probably still wait another week or so to make sure it's them that's not working, instead of me just not taking my pills on time. (It's so hard for me to remember when I'm not at work, where I have popup reminders!)
I've been talking to Velisha a lot lately. She's like...the girl love of my life. For the longest time after she left us I was devistated...but now I just want her to be happy and successful. I hate when people I love are going through difficult times, and there's nothing I can do about it. Bah.
Anyways, I have a lunch meeting, and probably should be working... Oooh, tonights the NH Caucus. :)
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