Oh the things we take for granted.

I was told to keep a health journal, so that's what this is turning into. I have to keep tabs on the weirdness I'm experiencing and the pain so I can keep my doctors informed. I don't really have anything else to write about anyways.

Today's been an "8" day. (0=no pain and 10=the worst pain I've ever had)The pain in the bottom of my right foot is relentless...it's stabbing and throbbing constantly. It's not as bad as yesterday, which isn't saying much considering yesterday was a "10". My right eye keeps giving me problems, jerking around and stabbing bad enough for me to cry out. I hate it when that happens when I'm around people. I hate people seeing me cry and feeling bad for me constantly. Ugh. At least today I don't feel like a moron typing. I seem to have gotten at least some coordination back, at least. Hopefully it lasts.

My hips are hurting so bad it's a wonder I can walk. (If you can call my stumbling and falling actually walking)My fingers aren't as bad as yesterday either. They're still constantly aching, but it's not the sharp, stabbing, lose-my-breath kind of pain. And my back, I don't even know where to start about my back. It feels almost like a really bad kidney infection in my lower back. The kind of pain that makes you want to curl up in a ball and cease to exist. My shoulders and upper back are hurting, but not as bad as they normally do, which is a relief. It's mainly my lower back today. My left arm hurts, but that's probably from the TB test. My neck now, that's turning into a constant thing, but I'm realizing that I have a lot to be thankful for... I'm lucid today. I can think pretty clearly. I'm remembering most things, and I'm not at a loss for words as much as normal. I'm not cramping. My stomach's actually not hurting at all, which is unusual, but welcome. Other than my hip, my left leg isn't bad at all. My jaw's hurting hardly at all. I don't have a headache. I was able to have sex with my husband on his birthday, even though I was hurting like crazy all day. I can enjoy the rain. I can enjoy my cats. I could get up and go to the restroom by myself today, and even shower. I can talk. I can breathe without it hurting. I can watch TV to distract myself from the pain. (books aren't that good, because you can't cry and read :-p) I have my Clarence. I'm still alive, and I'm not in the hospital.

We take so much for granted.

when it rains...

I just lost my job.

I'm too sick, too often for them to be able to keep me.
I don't know how we can survive on Clarence's measly salary, especially with my health problems.


I'm so lost.

You said it's time to open my eyes...

I went to the doctor on Friday because my swollen glands and fever that I had just got rid of came back. I expected him to give me more antibiotics and send me on my way. HA. Sara's health being simple?? I THINK NOT.
He's sending me to an ENT because he thinks that there's something more going on with me. It's not a virus. It's not mono, strep or any other bacterial infection. No, he thinks it's Lupus. A few years ago when I first started seeing my rheumatologist for my Fibromyalgia, Arthritis and Bursitis, he was convinced I had Lupis, but the main blood test they do for it (ANA factor) came back negative. There's a bunch of other ways of diagnosing it, but that's one of the first. So he quit looking. Now I have to get a whole panel done...Oh yeah, and I have to get CT scans and xrays of my neck and back to see if I'm going to need surgery on my back, and to find out what's going on in my throat and with my neck muscles. All that from going to the doctor with a fever and swollen glands. Woot. That on top of the MRI that I'm supposed to get this week to find out if I have to get brain surgery, and I'm simply oozing awesome health.

In other news, some of my friends have been having extremely difficult times lately. Being there for them has made me stop thinking so much about how much my life sucks because I'm sick. I feel like I'm doing something. I feel like I was *made* to help people. That's who I am, and I can't really be happy unless that's what I'm doing.

Clarence and Lucinda's birthdays are coming up, and one of my best friends/ex-girlfriend is getting ready to pop any day now. (She's actually due on Clarence's birthday!) Clarence is so amazing to me, and treats me so much better than I think I deserve. I am truly blessed.

I've got a lot going for me. I have a lot to complain about, but I have so much more to be thankful for.